When you have to go

Not all my jobs are or were customer service related.  At one time, I worked as a security official at a gentleman's club. Translation: I was the bouncer at a topless bar. Quality job with excellent benefits. Actually, it wasn't and the only benefit I got was seeing topless girls for free.Whether I wanted to or not.  It did allow me to meet some interesting people, though.

One friday night the place was hopping. Smell of cigarette smoke in the air, "Shook me all night long" blasting over the speakers, and horny guys giving young girls dollar bills in exchange for a brief moment of female contact. Not too much contact though. Too much touchy feely and I threw them out. Surprisingly, they don't "bounce" when you throw them out. They just land in a heap on the ground.

The owner came in from the front bar and asked me to come "throw this sumbitch out". Perfectly normal request.  It usually meant someone pissed him off. Then that meant I was going to piss them off. Funny how that works.

I went up front to see a rather large black man standing at the bar. Normally, I try not to make them angry since I am a fairly large white man with a shaved head. Insert outdated, politically incorrect, racial stereotypes here.

I calmly walked up to the man and told him he was going to have to leave.  He not so calmly told me he came in to use the bathroom. The owner angrily told me, again, to "throw the sumbitch out".  I tried to explain to the man that he had to leave.  Once again, he said he came into use the bathroom.  If you guessed that this man was highly intoxicated, you would be correct.

I aaked the owner if the guy could just use the bathroom and then I would have him leave.  During this very brief exchange, I realized that my calf felt warm and wet. Not a normal feeling in any way.  I looked to the side and saw that the gentleman was standing there, dick in hand, pissing on my leg.
Mere seconds later this same man was lying on the sidewalk still holding dick in hand. I guess its hard to walk and hold your junk at the same time  Who would have thought?

Instead of him being pissed off, I ended up being pissed on.