1/2 off stripper

This is a story about Orchid.  No, not the flower.  I don't have a green thumb.  The only thing I can grow is weeds.  Please note the s at the end. Don't want anybody to get the wrong idea.

Orchid was one of the many dancers (they like to be called that) that came through the strip club.  Orchid was in her early 40's.  That alone is disturbing but it has been done before and that is not the punchline to this tale.

Orchid danced two sets and did not remove her top on either occasion.  Being that this is a topless bar, the patrons are paying to see topless girls.  Who would have thought?  That's like going to a coffee shop and expecting coffee.  Anyway, the bar manager called her over and asked her why she wasn't taking her top off.  No pressure.  Just curious.  Once again, topless bar means topless girls.

"The owner said I didn't have to".

"Why would he say that?", we inquired.

"When he hired me I told him that I had a mastectomy.  He said I could just keep my top on."

Yes.  A mastectomy.  A surgical procedure where one or both breasts are removed, partially or completely (according to Wikipedia.  This blog should be informative as well as entertaining).  In Orchid's case, only one was removed.

So, working in a TOPLESS bar, was Orchid.  A stri, I mean, dancer with one breast.  A single boob.  Uno tata. One tit.  This was her story. 

Changing my opinion

I often engage in conversation with the customers.  Sometimes out of genuine interest, some strictly for entertainment purposes, and some I walk into blindly.  Today was a blind day.

I was reading the newspaper and came across an article about a man who was fatally shot when he drew a weapon on police officers in Vallejo.  I have always felt that if a police officer orders you to drop your weapon then it is probably a good idea to drop your weapon.  A piece of advice from the crazy clerk. 

Anyway, I make this comment to my coworker and a customer at the counter takes the chance to engage me in some of that blind conversation that I mentioned earlier.  The following is the exact exchange.  Nothing has been changed to protect the stupid.

Customer:  Have you ever been fatally shot?

Me: Uh, no.  I've never been fatally shot.

Customer:  Well, if it ever happens you may change your opinion.

Yes, that is what he told me.  So if I am ever FATALLY shot, I will be sure to let everyone know if my opinion changed or not.  Let's hope that never happens though. With my luck I may end up dead.